Honesty.
I’m in a weird friend place right now.
There’s a group that I’ve started hanging out with recently. It’s a large group and, if I were to be completely honest with myself, I really only find myself clicking with a handful or two. But I jumped in feet first (per usual) and feel semi-obligated to continue to interact with the group as a whole. Social media is heavily involved (we’re all now following each other on Twitter and Facebook and some on Tumblr even), so we’re constantly connected.
But now I feel like I have to censor myself and that I’m losing some of my… authenticity.
I hate that. I try not to do that. I try to be exactly the same online as I am in person and vice versa- honest, silly, fun, reasonably intelligent, occasionally snarky - but now I’m censoring myself in both realms and it’s uncomfortable.
I feel trapped.
I had a large group at my house for Thanksgiving and it was sort of my “come to Jesus moment.” I realized how few of them really knew/understood me. How little I had in common with some. What started out as a fun night ended with me feeling more alone than I have in a very long time.
I don’t know how to get out of the mess without offending people that are genuinely nice, good people - just not people that I would want to hang out with if given the option. I don’t relate to them and I’m sure some probably feel the same about me.
I don’t know how to fix this.
I’m looking forward to dinner with my DG sisters on Wednesday. Our friendship is so effortless and how could I not adore people who have zero qualms about singing TV theme songs in the middle of a packed bar?
